Numb
by BreakMyDreams
Summary: He'd known something was wrong for years now. It was easy to ignore the majority of the time, and it was very rare that the numbness inside became too much for him to handle anymore. A break-up drabble. Warnings for depression.


He'd known something was wrong for years now. It was easy to ignore the majority of the time, and it was very rare that the numbness inside became too much for him to handle anymore. The solos he sang, the applause they garnered, the boys and girls alike that would fawn over him afterwards all helped in making him feel a little more alive than dead. Kurt, though, he'd actually brought Blaine to life. After he met Kurt, there were fewer and fewer days that he would wake up with that overwhelming need to prove that there was still blood pumping through his veins. There were still some days that were worse than others; Sebastian was proof of that but even then, Kurt had been there and they had worked through it all together.

But then Kurt was gone. Off in New York with a new life and slowly but surely forgetting about the damaged boy he'd left behind in Ohio and suddenly that feeling was back and stronger than ever. It hadn't even been a full three weeks but the numbness was unbearable and Blaine needed to feel something, anything, so he'd gone and done the worst thing he could ever remember doing. There was a small voice in the back of his mind reminding him that it was wrong the entire drive over; he didn't even know what this guy looked like and yet he was on the way over to hop into his bed. As soon as it was over the numbness faded and breath stopping pain flooded him as the full realization of what he'd done finally hit him.

It was a horrible thing to do, and he fully understood that, even when he received the first message he'd known it. He'd done it anyway though. Now he realized, it wasn't just horrible, it was unforgivable. Kurt was going to break up with him no matter what though and Blaine had known that since the day he'd kissed him back at Dalton. No one wanted to spend their life with damaged goods. At least now he would have a good reason for it, at least now Blaine would know what went wrong and not be left with a sappy and unfulfilling 'we just grew apart.' At least now he'd be able to feel the pain that comes with breaking up and not the numb understanding that would have filled him had their demise transpired any other way.

Most people would have hidden it. No one knew about it other than him and Eli, if that was even his real name. He could have swept it under the rug but instead he'd bought a ticket to New York City just so he could tell this terrible thing to the best man he'd ever known face to face. Not because he felt like Kurt deserved it, but because he felt like he wouldn't be able to get the full affect over the phone. He wouldn't be able to experience the heart wrenching pain that would surely be written all over the love of his life's face.

That was the first time he ever really thought it, just after that thought passed through his mind, another one filtered in but failed to take root. 'I need help.' It entered and exited his mind in the time it took for a tired sigh to escape him.

He hadn't planned to stick around after he broke the news but then the tears came and Blaine couldn't bring himself to walk away. It was a slow motion train wreck and he didn't want to miss one second of it. So instead of leaving he'd followed Kurt back to his flat, climbed into bed, and listened to the muffled sobs coming from the other side. The thought came to him again, 'I need help.' He left New York without speaking another word to Kurt, without hearing the words that he'd originally gone out there in search of, and the numbness had crept back in as the plane left the ground.

Two days later, he was back at McKinley and no one seemed the wiser as to what had transpired that weekend. He was still invisible to them all as he sat in the choir room and watched as they all welcomed Finn back with open arms and expressed their sorrow over his recent troubles. He didn't exist to them and now he didn't exist to the one person who had made existing worthwhile.

"I need help," The words slipped out, barely above a whisper as he collapsed into the chair across from the guidance counselor and the tears finally began to fall.


End file.
